When the dust settles...

Hokay...so I am outta the hell-hole. I ought to be happy, no?

Quite frankly...NO.

Weirdo, some say. You got an early release which you wanted. You have plenty of time to do what you want and you don't like it? Weirdo, man!

Well...YES.

It's funny. I should be elated. Delirious. I resigned in mid-Jan and I am outta there before the 2 months notice is up but strangely, I am not the least happy.

I am LOST. I feel LOST. Like there's no need for me anymore.

Damn! Has that shitass job really gotten to me that much?

I spent the last 3 days just mopping around the house. Suddenly faced with so much free time and freedom, I simply used it all up on rubbish things...e.g. picking my nose, porn, reading, pounding on the calories, working out and porn. Like how a baby suckles crazily on a pacifier reintroduced into her mouth, I decided to do everything that doesn't matter (except the working out and calorie-loading cos goddamit! I want my body back) and left aside those that are are considerably more serious...like the call from my ex-manager, the SMS from Alvin about repayment, the girlfriend, the MSNs from Rongjia and Chris.

Was I THAT deprived of freedom and time? So much that when I was suddenly faced with a deluge of these, I was temporarily frazzle-eyed.

Or maybe I am just a true-blue slacker.

But that doesn't explain why I felt lost when I didn't have to drag myself to work anymore. I wanted to do something but I just didn't want to deal with the bread-and-butter stuff....yet. Still, I did my resume...in sporadic bursts.

I thought I must be nuts until...
http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/RetirementandWills/EscapeTheRatRace/YoureSuddenlyRichBummer.aspxEscapeTheRatRace/YoureSuddenlyRichBummer.aspx
"Bradley focuses on strategies to help people cope with the swirl of confusing emotions and impulses that come with sudden money. In fact, she wrote a book about it, "Sudden Money: Managing a Financial Windfall." But after her book was published in 2000, she says, "I started hearing more about Sudden Loss."
Here's what she found: Sudden loss and sudden wealth have quite a bit in common. Bradley found that the techniques she used with clients suffering from sudden wealth were just as useful for those plummeting toward a dot-com bottom. "That's when I realized that it's not about the sudden increase in income, it's about the sudden shift," Bradley said.

Abrupt changes, emotional bombshells

All this may be more relevant to your own life than you think. PowerBall or no, any of us could experience a sudden financial shift. That's painfully true for the many Americans who have lost their jobs in the past few years."

Now I get it...

I lost my job. No, wait...I fucked the job. And although technically, I am getting paid for my time until mid March, I had the security carpet pulled from under my legs. In case you wonder...no, I don't have another job waiting when I quit. Now, now...stop giving me that headshake and pregnant pauses. I just felt it was time to cut my losses. Sometimes you just have to know when to go.

Little wonder I felt LOST.

So I am going back to the office on Friday...

To collect the remainder of my pay la. DUH!